13 Wildly Irresponsible Vintage Ads Aimed at Kids: #4. Rainier Beer

 

This 1906 ad for Rainier Beer not only encouraged young people to start drinking but specifically says to make a "habit" out of it. Oh, but don't worry -- it "brings the glow of health."

This one has to get credit for going above and beyond Young Fritz up there. After all, that kid could have sneaked a cigar out of Old Fritz's stash without him knowing. But, no, here they're issuing a clear call to the terrifying old men of the world: "Find a young girl and make her drink beer with you." Really, the most irresponsible part of the ad is that it doesn't warn him to hide her revolver first.

13 Wildly Irresponsible Vintage Ads Aimed at Kids: #5. Pet Monkey/Raccoon

"Hey look, Mom, we can just order rabies right out of the magazine now!"

Yes, the 1960s were a magical time, when wild animals were sold in comic books. Where were they getting all these monkeys and raccoons from anyway? Do we want to know? Is there a connection with the fact that the spider monkey is today on the endangered species list? Surely not -- it says right on the ad: "Live delivery guaranteed." These were clearly professionals when it came to cramming monkeys into cardboard mailing tubes.

Also, notice that the monkey is advertised as eating the same food as humans and "even likes lollipops." This is why most houses in the 60s smelled strongly of raccoons and monkey diarrhea.

13 Wildly Irresponsible Vintage Ads Aimed at Kids: #6. Young Fritz Cigars

 

This ad for Young Fritz Cigars is actually from the label inside the cigar box, so it's not technically an advertisement. But is that better, or worse? In that spot it becomes more like product directions. "INSERT INTO MOUTH HOLE OF CHILD. IF IT CRIES, GIVE IT A SECOND ONE."

Wait, is that "Young Fritz" there in the picture? So the mascot itself is a child smoking? Hell, maybe we should just be happy they did a drawing instead of making an actual kid puff away on a stogie during a photo shoot.

13 Wildly Irresponsible Vintage Ads Aimed at Kids: #7. Cigarette Santa

 

That's right, in 1952 Santa didn't bring shiny red bicycles or teddy bears down the chimney. He lugged down a gigantic box that seems to contain about two thousand Camel cigarettes.
OK, we admit that Santa gets used in ads aimed at adults, too. And after all, it's not like it actually shows kids smoking or anything. Unlike ...

13 Wildly Irresponsible Vintage Ads Aimed at Kids: #8. Ayer's Cathartic Pills

Stop and think about the last time you struggled with getting a "childproof" pill bottle open. Now look at this 1890 advertisement for Ayer's Cathartic Pills, which makes pill containers look like a giggling wonderland for naked toddlers to frolic in. "Hey, look, Steve brought a huge stick of butter! Ha-ha, the old days are frickin' rad you guys!"

By the way, if you don't know what cathartic pills are or why it's a terrible idea for children to take handfuls of them, let's just say they uh, evacuate the bowels, which is not particularly something that children or babies need help with. And if you're giving them out in the copious amounts you see here, you might as well give them a non-Iver Johnson revolver to play with.

13 Wildly Irresponsible Vintage Ads Aimed at Kids: #9. Ayer's Cough Syrup

 

Seriously, check out the dazed, stupefied look the kid on the left is sporting, while her sibling tries desperately to somehow open the giant bottle with a spoon. Both can be explained by the fact that Ayer's Cherry Pectoral, a self-proclaimed cure-all for any throat or lung problems, contained opium.
Yeah, don't wait for Mommy and Daddy to pry open the 50-gallon drum of opium juice, young Sally. We'll show you how to get the lid off with common household utensils. Just don't depend on little Mary for help -- she'll be spending the next three days marveling at how the whole world seems to be covered in fur.

13 Wildly Irresponsible Vintage Ads Aimed at Kids: #10. Distaval Children's Sedative

 

We can forgive this 1960 ad for the children's sedative Distaval for the fact that the product's active ingredient was thalidomide (famous for getting pulled from shelves in 1961 for causing birth defects). They presumably didn't know at the time. But we're thinking that even 50 years ago, it wasn't considered good parenting to tell your three-year-old, "Why don't you go to the bathroom and get yourself a little bit o' sedative. You need to mellow out, son."